I truly feel your pain. I haven't seen my first three children in 12 years. My ex and his new wife were what I call "front row Catholic". They changed church's and pretended that her 3 children were all hers. Her ex was branded "bad" as well. It's very complicated. I never knew what to say to my beautiful children as they encouraged them to be complicit with " the big Catholic family" I am not disparaging Catholics. I too am Catholic.

Because I believed that the mother/child couldn't be broken coupled with not wanting to ruin what seemed to make them happy along with being not - confrontational and had self esteem issues I let it go on too long. Their phone calls with me were monitored and they told me they didn't want to visit. I had to drop Christmas presents off in their shed.

I was silent. I didn't know who I was any longer. I was a mother, then I wasn't. I was embarrassed that I was a mother who didn't have her kids any longer. When people inquired if I had children it was, at times, easier to say no because people would say" Oh you must be busy maybe we can have a playdate?".

They are married now two o them. I have a grandchild that I have never met
My relationship is them allowing me to be friends on facebook. They do seem well-adjusted and happy.

I feel your pain. I really do. I felt I was alone in my pain that is life-altering.