Hi smeyers19. You sound like a really intelligent person who fell into a dark place. I'm really sorry for this. I find that once you're in a dark place like this, it's important to not worry too much and focus on getting better above all, but once you do get out, it's important to avoid falling back in and focus on keeping your spirits high.

I agree that you need to find some help. Colleges usually, like qwerty68 was saying, have things like a school therapist you can talk to for free. Most people don't know what it's like to go to school with what you struggle with, but a good therapist can help you.

I wouldn't say you're not cut out for your major. It's might be that you are struggling too much to keep up with your schoolwork, and if you change your major, you might run across the same problem. But if you strongly feel the major isn't for you, then this is the time to change it.

I'm in a similar boat. I keep missing classes and blowing off work until the last minute because of anxiety. I also have a pile of missed work. I'm scared to be around other people. A lot of people might tell me that I'm being lazy or something because I'm purposefully missing class, but it's not true. That's why I don't tell anyone except people I really trust or counselors. It can be very, very difficult just to attend class when you have depression, anxiety, and other issues. Don't let the standards for everyone else not dealing with these problems define you. Congratulate yourself that you're making it to class or trying to keep up with work despite all you're struggling with. It's a real challenge that's very hard to overcome.

I also didn't make friends for a long time in college. But, I managed to get by through hobbies. Being an adult meant that I could explore whatever interests I wanted to, and not just school. I didn't like too much social contact anyway, but this forum helped me out a bunch. This is a good place to talk with people without the anxiety usually attached.

If I was in your shoes, I'd talk to a school counselor as soon as possible so you can see that the situation is not near as dire as you feel, but is actually okay. This is only your first semester, right? You have more to make up for a bad first one, and if you help yourself now, you'll be more prepared for those. It's actually very common to have a lot of trouble your first semester. You're not alone.