I am LDS and believe in a life after death. The thing is I believe I can choose where I go (Including far from god) and in my most depressed state, I want to die and run far away maybe even into outer darkness.
A recent stressor in my life is I’m about to get my Patriarchal blessing. Which we believe is scripture for one person. I have pretty good idea of what some it will be but here’s the weird part. It not the admonitions or chastisement I fear. It’s the blessings and compliments. Because I don’t believe I deserve them.