I went to see a CBT psychologist as recommended by my marriage t, just for me alone. The initial session ended with me resolving to make basic positive steps for self care. I didn't change at all. I'm not going to change much at all. I come and go with my healthy/unhealthy ways. I'm probably not going to change. I don't really want to change.

I don't want to see her again. Mostly it's the out of pocket money cost of the sessions. She doesn't take insurance. She asked if I think I'm worth it. I said yes. But honestly, no I am not worth it. She's not worth it. How dare I spend that kind of money when money is the problem for some of my issues. Duh, why give the money to her when I can give the money to my struggling mother who needs it more?

Nah, i'm not going back.

If the marriage t can't handle me, I can be done with him, too.

And this is how it goes...years and years of getting nowhere.