JustMeMyself&I

I can relate to your horrible issues` a lot, as I too am going through the same thing!

You say that you get a weird feeling of comfort and enjoyment with your intense negative feelings`! That to me sounds` like a coping mechanism!!
As I too have this overwhelming , in my head all the time about my childhood and deaths' Guilt, shame un-loved etc. My way of giving me a breather from this is by my child-hood fetish! (Like a bitter sweet thing, contentment and feeling safe!) `BUT` then that doesn't last much, as I think to myself is this normal! (Back to square one again) For me this is a never ending cycle, like I am re-living what happened too me in the past is happening too me again now! `And I don't` know why`

My advice would be to go and see your doctor about how you are feeling. (As I did) He may refer you to a therapist of some kind, who then maybe give you the answers` and help that you seek!!!!!

Good luck and take care..................

Regards`