No one here can diagnose you Psychickitty. We are not professionals but peers that may or may not have had some of the same issues as you are dealing with.

The previous members who suggested that you may need some real life help are giving you the best support out there. When symptoms rise to the level of interfering with our lives, we should seek out some professional assistance with those symptoms. Doing this can at least give you a baseline for what you may be dealing with and hopefully some help in how to deal best with those issues.

You definitely have some alarming traits that probably would do you very well to have a professionals' opinion.

I wish you well!
sabby