Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch
I think that by him throwing caution to the wind with regards to not being sure if he will change, magnifies how little he can empathise / relate / understand the magnitude that his actions have had on you.
I think men have primal urges and he actively sought out to relieve his urge. My definition of cheating is doing something that you wouldn't do if your partner was right there standing over your shoulder.
To me I think of it like this. What do you think his intentions were by doing this? I kind of believe that he had no intention of meeting up with her, hence it was online as this provides a "barrier". There are levels of cheating, and then there are levels of cheating.
If he can show remorse and some kind of inclination to change his ways, then perhaps there may be a chance to move forwards.
However, his stand off attitude at the moment, suggests that you need space to come to terms with what he has done.
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I agree with you completely. Although men do have primal urges, I believe people whether men or women should not be in committed relationships if they want to do things that would hurt a partner that they are aware would hurt them. Also, as a female, I take notice that I have stronger sexual urges than most men that I've known...especially when manic, but even when not. However, I never cheated on him and would never do anything to hurt him. That includes not sexting or doing anything sexual with anyone, even if it's from a distance, like webcams, etc. It especially bothers me that I've explicitly told him in the past what behaviors would hurt me, and it included exactly what he did. So he knew, and did it behind my back anyway.
As far as all levels of cheating, in my eyes, those levels all have the same effect on me personally. Whether someone is actually meeting with someone or turning to someone online for their own gratification is all the same to me (my own personal opinion).
I see it like this when it comes to cheating:
1. it makes a person feel hurt, inadequate, disrespected, and that they do not measure up
2. Cheating=engaging in sexual behaviors that the other person doesn't approve in, so it is betrayal....especially if the partner has been through sexual trauma the way that I have. Either way, it's betrayal
3. Engaging in these types of behaviors causes that person to not focus on the needs of their partner, so it can cause dysfunction sexually and emotionally in the relationship
This is going to take a while before I can heal. All I know is I'm not going back to him.