Background. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. He has a very busy life. He works full time, lives at home with on and off sick parents, and is training for mma. Mma is his goal and he trains 6 days a week. His family is very controlling and tend to yell at him alot.

Throughout our relationship he tends to cycle between extremely attached and not attached at all. The first 2 months were relatively stable. Then he decided to end the relationship with no real reason given. I later determined he felt he was being distracted from his training. It lasted about a week. About a month after that he left again due to family pressure. That lasted 2 days.

Then once we got through I wasn't going to yell at him over every little thing and I actually supported him the relationship went up hill. I never pressured him for anything but on his own he'd bring up a future and picked out a promise ring. Then he went distant again due to a mixture of feeling like we were moving too fast (again he was setting the speed so that kind of confuses me) and family pressure. After about a month he came back full force on the loves. I slowed it down this time so we wouldn't be moving too fast.

But now he's started a testosterone supplement to help him train and the feelings have sort of disappeared again. He's not emotionally invested like he was but he's saying he's trying as much as he can. He said right now he's dead to the world and only cares about his training. He doesn't really feel love for me but he also doesn't feel love for anyone including his family. He cares about me and them but that's the highest he can feel currently.

I don't know if I should stay in this relationship or leave it. Every other time when he would withdraw he'd leave but he's not this time.

He also has a tendency to cut people out of his life when he stops caring and he hasn't done this. He's still helping me go to the gym and initiating talks afterwards but that's about the extent of it currently. Excluding this emotional rollercoaster we actually get along really well. No matter which side he's on writing laugh and have fun together and get along well.

I really want to know what could possibly cause this. It seems to go beyond not knowing what he wants since the changes are so sudden and extreme. I think he was slightly traumatized as a child. He came over as an immigrate and still remembers the death and smell of burning bodies.

Can this be worked through? Has anyone else experienced or had a partner who experienced cycles like this? I think he might have avoidant dismissive attachment style.