The email:

I might have to schedule an appointment in December after I get hired at this new job. I hate having to wait because I'm going through these rough months with no therapist or support and it's so difficult. I carry a smile on my face but crying on the inside. I have deep emotional pain and for different reasons. For the deaths of my family Members, feeling unlovable and unworthy of anyone's time, fear of being abandoned and rejected, hating myself. It's just a puzzle mix of a whole bunch of things that have built up. I never went to the hospital to say goodbye to mom before they put her on the ventilator and after that I never got the chance. I feel guilty about having to make the decision to take my uncle off of life support. The doctors were telling me that his brain was too far gone but I keep thinking well what if a miracle had happened. I just lost my new job because I missed 2 days of training. I feel so unlovable which is a message I've gotten throughout my whole life.

I'm just hurting now. I wear a smile but underneath it is a lot of pain.

So you would allow one email per week after our session so that I can reflect on what was said and maybe identify another issue for us to work on in therapy. When I write, sometimes that's when I uncover hidden stuff.

What about hugs? My first therapist allowed hugs and they were helpful. He offered a hug at the end of sessions which were especially comforting if I had just had a very emotional session.

My first therapist was great. He let me text him a few short words if I was going through a rough time and needed a few words of encouragement or reassurance. And he let me send him an email after sessions and gave me hugs at the end of sessions. The bonus with him is that he used to sometimes give me coffee. One time, he texted me to say that my coffee was on the counter and that he'd be out in a minute. And one day when he knew I was struggling, he surprised me with a text message saying that he was just checking in and he hoped I was feeling better. That made my whole day. It made me feel like he truly cared about me and it made me feel like I was more than just a paycheck to him and that he truly care about how I was doing. Good memories. [emoji4]

I guess I'm not used to having people be good to
me in my life. So I always cherish the kindnesses of people who are good to me because I have had a rough time with people being bad to me in the past.

That's some information on me. [emoji28]