Necessarily equate to eventually being homicidal? I have not had any thought like that EVER. Not sure what, if I truly do snap, that will look like? Never been in this position before. Yes I lost my grandma and the resulting family bs is a total disrespect/dishonor to her and who she was as woman. My mom's brother's lack of respect for his mother even when she was alive and even still his sisters is despicable. I've gone so far as to email T last night very early this morning....haven't heard from her yet. Was gonna get a decent amount of baccardi rum and just drown myself but don't want to be pouring gasoline on the fire(rage) burning inside. Could alcohol put me over the edge? Am I literally playing with fire? Should I see someone(probably a pdoc) for some help? Read on Acute Stress Reaction and sounds like this could be me. It also said it often develops into PTSD. I don't really want meds I want to work through this without. I've read meds often interfere with the grief process especially AD's.