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Originally Posted by DelusionsDaily
Necessarily equate to eventually being homicidal? I have not had any thought like that EVER. Not sure what, if I truly do snap, that will look like? Never been in this position before. Yes I lost my grandma and the resulting family bs is a total disrespect/dishonor to her and who she was as woman. My mom's brother's lack of respect for his mother even when she was alive and even still his sisters is despicable. I've gone so far as to email T last night very early this morning....haven't heard from her yet. Was gonna get a decent amount of baccardi rum and just drown myself but don't want to be pouring gasoline on the fire(rage) burning inside. Could alcohol put me over the edge? Am I literally playing with fire? Should I see someone(probably a pdoc) for some help? Read on Acute Stress Reaction and sounds like this could be me. It also said it often develops into PTSD. I don't really want meds I want to work through this without. I've read meds often interfere with the grief process especially AD's.
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Could you leave a voice mail for your T? She might see that as more urgent and get back to you. I would avoid drinking lots of alcohol because, as you said, it might just put fuel on the fire. As for meds, maybe you just need something to calm you down short term? So might be good to try to contact a p-doc. When do you see your T again?
If you're feeling really unsafe and worry you'll hurt someone else (or yourself), you can always call 911 and/or go to an ER, too...
To answer your original question, no I don't think it necessarily leads to being homicidal. But it sounds like you're worried about yourself, so please try reaching out in whatever way you can, to T, on here, if there's anyone else in your life who might understand...