very true Toejam. I have been in T with my H for quite some time now. I have learned lost of coping mechanisms.

I have learned that when my H flips out and gets angry it is usually a underlying issue. I have learned that when he starts cleaning a lot or demands that we clean it is because he is trying to regain control of something in his life that is out of control. His clothes have to be folded a certain way and certain noises really bother him. I have learned that he often says things that are mean but has no idea most likely. I have learned that when things change it is very hard for him to adjust. He is a creature of habit big time.

I have also learned that I have to talk to him in VERY CLEAR and VERY DIRECT ways, almost to the point hat it makes me feel uncaring. Beating around the bush jsut does not work. And assume nothing when it comes to what they should understand. No one is a mind reader especially my H. If you can;t read minds, and facial expressions, and body language and you have a difficult time with spoken words then it is hard to make a correct assumption.