Just remembered how frustrating my childhood was. No identity or personality I could call my own, I was an extrovert with almost no social skills whatsoever (which was a horrible and embarrassing combination), I was (mostly) the good child and just followed directions, possibly had the blunted affect which explains things such as why I didn't have a real laugh until much later, I sucked at verbalizing and describing things, and everything was centered around what I was doing rather than what I was on the inside and how I could have shaped myself into what felt like an actual person. My devotion to be a good kid was a waste of time, and people kept neglecting to teach me things such as the many different types of clothing styles and music genres. Everything about this feels frustrating and sad because some of these things seemed so simple to learn! I just...I really hate who I used to be. I was always a fake: an imitator. Some of the emotions I claimed I felt weren't even what I felt wholeheartedly, there was always some sort of emptiness to them (for example, I used to cry a lot, but most of the time, I never actually meant to). Oh well, at least I finally figured things out about myself. I actually have my own personality and identity as of 3 years ago which is something I can 100% say I'm comfortable with unlike what I was imitating. I still wish I can forget this part of my childhood, but I doubt that can happen since the memories keep coming back.