So I know I have to stop drinking. I have to stop now. It's six months from my last drink that I can go to the psychiatrist. Every drink I have puts me farther and farther from help. I'm struggling! I wish I was allergic to it or something. The stupid thing is, if I had meds RIGHT NOW I would not drink. But they won't give me meds, so...
This is really frustrating.
I told my self I wasn't going to drink Saturday night. I told my brother and the friends I was with I wasn't going to drink. I did pretty good for a couple hours. Then this cute girl kept offering me wine... I crumbled about the third time she asked. So, I thought, what's one glass of wine? I can say it never happened, no big deal. A half hour later I was doing shots with the host. Around five am he handed me the last of the bottle to polish off, and I did. I tried to deny it the next day. I lied and told my mom, when she came to visit me, that I'd stayed sober, even though my head was aching.
I know I can't keep doing this. But I really don't want to go to AA. I'm not a religious person, and the serenity prayer and the "Let go and let god" thing really puts me off. I'm Agnostic, I can't do that. Putting the ownership of my sobriety on an intangible supposedly superior being would be a cop out for me. I KNOW it works for some people, I've seen it. But where am I supposed to go? Where are the Agnostic AA meetings (AAA, lol)? I think I'm going to check it out anyway and see if I can hack it.
I hope to see more people in this forum in the future. It could be like our own AA! Minus the coffee, I guess.
Here's a joke. Hope you all think it's funny. If not, yell at me. The reason I post it is that I TOTALLY feel this way right now, and I have to laugh at my self!
AA on a field trip;
"A hundred bottles of beer on the wall, a hundred bottles of beer... have some coffee and try not to think about it, a hundred bottles of beer on the wall..."
Comedy is a coping strategy. So sue me.
I'm going for a ciagarette.