I'm sorry you feel so bad. Have you ever called a hotline? It would be a real person to talk with right now. Do you have someone, a friend or relative, you could connect with? Please don't give up the search for a good T, someone who will treat you more professionally than your former T? What about a massage? Or find a lonely kid to hug? Just some ideas. If you think you're in danger, please check into a hospital. Hugs.