Disconnection is what I mean. Isolation I know I am. Dissociative episodes seem to make the feeling of disconnection more....not sure of the right word...but real. I had relationships in the past before the DID but they were all emotionally tense. Seems now it's more an immediate trigger to push away even before anything can develop. No way could I ever be in a romantic relationship as I do not trust anyone and hate touch. I want to have a friend to do stuff with but a small part of me even hates the thought of anything like that.
Isolation may build on my disconnection or vice versa. I write for the system as I know that I am not one that agrees with having any sort of feelings or relationship, so I am disconnected and isolated. When host returns, if ever, as it has been two months she may feel completely different. I bring this up based off comment by T..the benefit of my doing my job is feeling disconnected. Yes, I know. I am. But for system will it continue to cause a problem??