Dark thoughts are back along with feelings of revenge. My doctor believes my bipolar was triggered by the trauma and of course genetic disposition to it. Mind f*** having both. Olanzapine (Zyprexa) is calming me down a bit. I am in hospital to keep me safe and do med changes.

In the past few years I was able to let go of the abuse trauma and felt i was getting on with my life but now I feel I can't go on without a resolution. Often I just curl up in bed in a ball and hang on to keep me safe. It is comforting somehow. Tried writing how I felt(revenge stuff) down but it made me overwhelmed and dangerous to myself so again I am silenced. My mind won't shut up about it though in a racing bipolar way.

Anyone have any ideas on how to make this extreme feeling of revenge and self destruction pass. Or do I just have to wait it out?