I look at marriages. Mine is not that great. I am married and have been for 22 years but to many days I just wanna throw up my hands. Then I look around. Is this as good as it gets. My parents marriage is not that great, my grandparents marriage had there bad moments. I know all marriages do, but theirs seem to be a source of misery. I have friends who have separated. I have friends who jsut stay in blahhhhh marriages because they have been married for so long and do not want to start over so they just settle for what there marriages are. It seems that people have given up the good fight and they say good grief, I am just gonna be miserable and that is hte way it is. But is it really, does it have to be that way. Am I a fool to think that marriage can be a good thing. Am I an idiot for believing that being happily married can really exist.

My H gets on my nerves. I have been home two months, since being gone for a year, a trial separation if you will. I jsut don't know what to do. The bills are paid, the house and land are paid for, the kids are almost grown, we have a good retirement plan going for us. Divorce would be like throwing away everything. A life time of goals, memories, savings, everything. But on the other hand staying is so draining. I could still live a productive 40 years. Do I want to spend it unhappy, do I want to spend it alone, do I want to spend it angry and pissed off.

Am I making mountains out of mole hills. I know no one can tell me what to do in my situation. I jsut feel like sometimes I should jsut suck it up, say the hell wiht it, life sucks, and jsut let it suck the life out of me. Other days I feel like I am crazy to stay here, life has so much more to offer, I was happy alone for that year. I jsut wish I knew what I wanted. I wish I knew if marriages really are a good and happy thing over time. I jsut don't know.

Any opinions would be appreciated.