This relationship is long dead. It has bordered on abusive for many years. We separated for a year. Currently it is not abusive. But we are only two months in. When I read what you wrote it makes me want to cry. What you have is what I want. Your quote below.

ELSAMARS QUOTE: we are very happily married. He is my best friend, my lover, my most trusted confidant....the first person I would call in case of emergency and I would miss him even if we were only apart for a day. END QUOTE.

That's what I want. But it seems to be impossible to find. That does not exist here. He wants it to, and I want it to. But it takes more then us both wanting it. The abuse has left me with trust issues. I am just not sure he is trustworthy and will not return to being abusive. He never hit me, just emotional and verbal abuse.

If a person can learn to love a person they have never met, like an arranged marriage, then surely I can learn to love the person I once loved. That person is still here and so am I. That to is easier said then done.

I jsut don;t want to live this way forever. On the other hand if no one is ever truly happy then I am not either so why throw away waht I do have that is not horrible, jsut not optimal.