Welcome to PC Bitterbee, your not alone going on the bipolar rollercoaster..I also have Bipolar 1 disorder, along with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), with GAD. I get into my manic, mixed, and depressed moods quite a bit..I also get angry real easily too, and I end up letting my anger get the best of me and later on regreting it. Sorry to hear that your going through a rough time, I know its hard to find the right medication combo to even out the moods, I been on a lot of meds just this year, and currently just started lamictal last week and so far its been helpfull..I'm only 19 years old, so I wouldnt know how you feel without having a family and kids at the age of 40, but I imagine it must be rough, I also dont have much money so i just live with my mom. But anyways welcome to PC, there are many nice people and a chat room where you can chat with other people in PC that are a supportive bunch.