Every fiber of my being wants to end it but I can't because of my kids. The pain had just gotten to be too much. At work a friend said I have been like a zombie ever since getting out of the hospital. My T wants me to call my pdoc but what is the point? All he will do is mess with my meds and we have been doing that for four years. I have been in the hospital 5 times in the last 20 months. Did 2 rounds of ECT. I just give up. I am done with it all.