Can you write down what you feel and what is happening and give that to your councillor? Some people find that helps to get the ball rolling. At your age pap-smears don't need to be urgent (unless you have issues that require it or just want to know for peace of mind). I agree getting a female doctor doing it helps too. I hate pap smears too and am way overdue for one (Im 40). Sorry you feel you are close to spiralling. Hope your counsellor can help with this. Do you see a psychiatrist? they can help too.