Hi
I am new here. I read your post. First of all I want to say that I am BiPolar 1 Mixed , Borderline Personality, Anxiety, Paranoia, and generalized depression. I have the same violent rages that you are describing. I also have no money and no way to get a really good pdoc. My pdocs are horrible, they dont listen to me. My therapist, well I dont have one anymore because mine got fired and the clinic where I go wont give me another one. I have not been able to work for last 3 yrs due to my violent ever changing mood swings. I have had 35 jobs and I am only 36. I have lost all of them due to my mood swings and not being able to function well in society. Did I happen to mention I am a mom of one 3 yr old. Its very tough being a mom to a screaming toddler. I am under so much stress and not being able to help pay bills or pay for medical care is getting so frustrating. My boyfriend supports me financially if it were not for him I would be on the streets. It is very hard for him to live with me. I feel sorry for him, but I feel sorry for myself. I am the one who has to live this crazy nightmare, he can always get out.
I just wanted to tell you I completely know what you are going thru. I have been homeless, I have been starving, I have had to sleep where ever I could lay my head because of not being able to work or keep a job when I did get one. I was always being evicted from this place or that one. I understand. I also have applied for my ssa. I have been waiting since 2/06 for mine. Been denied once. Have been waiting on a hearing ever since. Have my hearing 11/20. I have no representation. No lawyer would take my case. My pdoc is terrible and refused to help me. So I am doing it all on my own. Hope I dont flip out before the judge.
The other thing I had to tell you was you are a wonderful writer. As I was reading your post I was thinking that. Your descriptions are awsome and they are the truth, no exagerations. You could make money with your writing talent. Just a thought.
I hope you feel better soon. I know how hard it is. I know that having someone to talk to that understands you is what we all need. My bf doesnt understand. I am always here if you need a set of ears.

Take CAre
Leslie