I am glad you can share openly.
It can be helpful to have family -- a loving spouse and children -- as these relationships can often help us to hang on a bit longer and also often spur us on to keep trying.

I have found I sometimes need a rest from med changes, including during some periods of depression. It's tough to feel severely depressed and to go through added disappointments of med/treatment "failures." Such disappointments can add to the depression.

As mentioned above, I, too, eventually get to a place where I have enough resilience to "try again."

I have also been on both sides -- both feeling very suicidal throughout much of my life, as well as being a survivor of my father's suicide (when I was 12 y.o.). I have felt the pain of having a parent decide to give up and have seen the devastation this causes for family members. While having lived through this does not stop me from feeling like giving up, it does, often, cause me to try again.

I hope you'll keep trying, whenever you are ready to risk another trial of treatment options.

Keep on reaching out.

Much Love to You and To Your Family,

WC