I tried meds for 6 1/2 years it was very similar experience. I went off in July and with the exception of recent events things have gone really pretty well. I'm not promoting no meds just has worked better for me. Going off actually decreased my suicidal ideation significantly and to boot there aren't tons of meds laying around when it does come. (I tended to be very impulsive with overdosing)

I understand your frustration but personally I don't know that this is the best time to make a decision to stop med adjustments. Does pdoc realize the state your in right now? And that it is so bad your T and wife are holding your meds? Granted better they have them than the alternative at this point.

Have you heard back from pdoc? Will you hear back from him?