I am so very sorry for your loss.

((((( wildflowerchild ))))))
As you know all too well. grieving the loss of a beloved spouse takes a long time. Honestly I don't think anyone ever "gets over it," they grieve and eventually learn to live (somehow) with the tragedy.
Nobody will ever "replace" your husband.
This is not to say you will never love deeply again, in your future.
Grieving takes time -- lots of time.
I am so glad you can share openly here.
I hope we can help to support you.
Congrats on no smoking! This has to be a huge challenge!
Much Supportive Love,
WC