Hi - I have MDD among other things, and was in a serious car accident two months ago that damaged my cervical spine, muscles & ligaments around my neck and back, and is pinching several nerves leaving me in constant pain with limited mobility and use of my right arm. I was very active before the accident, and have two pre-teen kids and a distant, slightly supportive husband who is a workaholic. I'm also the primary caregiver for my father, who has advanced dementia & stage 4 lymphoma at 88. He's in a nearby facility.

Thankfully I have a job that is somewhat flexible, and I have filed for disability accommodations but it takes time. My job is somewhat independent, but my colleagues don't understand about my current disability & injuries, and know nothing about my depression and other conditions.

In a nutshell, I am having a very hard time. I am overwhelmed - my life was difficult enough (long story) without this accident, but I had outlets. I've been in therapy and continue it. But now I also have more doctors, PT 2x/week, more meds, more driving, more lawyers and professionals, more complexity... and yet feel less support, less hope, less - life, I guess. I'm trying to come to terms with the realization that I am, for now, disabled, and that I will likely be so for some time. The hope is that as treatment continues, the pain will be reduced and my mobility will return (mostly), and that within a year, I will likely be able to return to most of my activities with residual pain (but not constant) and some residual mobility constraints (less, but permanent).

My kids are wonderful and amazing and exhausting. My husband doesn't get it, nor do my friends. It's difficult for me to cook with my disability and I've reached out to my church, friends, family (distant), and neighbors (which is so hard for me to do) and had no response. Maybe because the accident wasn't in town, maybe because I don't "look" disabled, maybe because I still try to do what I can and smile and socialize... or maybe people just don't care about me that much.

My husband works a 60 hour week and commutes 3 hrs a day. I am still working full-time, but my condition and meds mean I pretty much can't do anything intellectual after 1p. I do what I can but it's never enough. I am behind in everything and it is a struggle to get through each hour of each day.

My doc says I need outlets - but my outlets are "out." Yoga, cello, drawing, knitting, puzzles, running, biking, walking (with and without the dog), hiking... I can't do, and won't be able to do for at least the next few months (tho the sports are out for longer). I am trying to meditate and pray. I used to go to open AA meetings but for a number of reasons that's very difficult now. I still talk to my sponsor, and to my close friends and family - none of whom live nearby.

What do you do when you're doing everything right and yet it's not working? I see my pdoc in two weeks and will probably change meds as I do not like the Pristiq, but the only other option for me (I burned through most, and GeneSight confirmed why) is Fetzima unless I go to the heavy-duty meds that most docs avoid. My PCP thinks that in addition to ADD, I also have anxiety and possibly OCD, and wants me to go on a small dose of Ritalin for the afternoon. My pdoc wants me to lessen "uppers" like Evekeo (hated it) and give in to the pain and exhaustion to rest.

The reality is I have children, a husband, a father, and a full-time job. None of those things can change. My DH is doing what he can with what he has, and I don't have the ability to get him to work less/do more at home. 17 years of marriage, I know him well.

I know my cycle, and I am spinning around it and headed down. I'm already downing chocolate and caffeine and then alcohol at night to self-medicate. My urges around my anorexia and self-harm are activating as well.

I guess I'm writing this in the hope that you can share a bit of your story and how you are dealing with blows that happen when your depression is active. Suggestions are very welcome, as is experience with ADD/depression and related meds (especially Fetzima). I feel so alone and hopeless.