Just last night her and I had a face to face conversation about how I've been lately. I was misunderstanding her last night and felt like she was being closed off so I asked her and it ended up her being defensive. So I told her I was coming over to talk to her face because I felt like I owed her a lot from how I've been lately; with all the anxiety/stress/insecurity. I apologized and told her everything I could to justify my behavior even though it wasn't right. After her side was said of her feelings we got a lot of bad feelings out of the way and were able to take a big step forward, as long as she was being real with herself and her own feelings and not just taking my word for it. Her feelings are very important to me.

One thing I seemed to have a revelation about last night and why I wanted to clear the air was where my insecurity stems from. I always know when something is bothering her, but she has a habit of bottling up feelings and letting them go at once and won't be open about them beforehand. So when I sense something is wrong and she won't be open I assume my intuition is off and its the next scenario, which is "her losing interest or wanting someone else or her rethinking her feelings for me," AKA: anxiety. In other words my defense is to accuse to try and get her to admit something she isn't really feeling and that is what I had to confront myself and tell her everything.

Reason why I posted this long story is because for me it felt liberating. She agreed closing off her feelings until they bottle up and explode doesn't help me with how I think and she knows me very well for someone I've only known since July. I was honestly afraid she was going to think it wasn't working but instead she must of saw I'm really starting to notice my actions and how they can be hurtful when someone just wants to love me so I had to change that. Admitting what my problems were and not trying to blame others was a huge step and it helped, a lot. Typically the only positive support I get is from her because my close friends are always wrapped up in their own lives that I just don't interfere with my own issues; but this site helped me greatly despite being on here for a day. Thanks everybody again and maybe my story can help others too if they come across it.