Hey guys,

thank you so much for all the answer and the warm welcome in this forum. I feel that it is already helping me a lot. I know the feeling of best keeping my thoughts to myself in some phases and usually feel like I am hiding something very important and am kind of fake.

At the moment still not stable, on weekend when I wrote the first post I was really desperate, got way better yesterday and became kind of too busy, dancing in my room all day and talking and reading and cleaning like crazy and today kind of wanting to vomit and afraid I might suffer from some deadly desease. Haha, it's kind of new to me to say this stuff out loudly and feel like I have to add "but no worries, I am not crazy" and then I remember that you probably all know these things and feel hugely relieved xD