A good friend at work had a heart attack a little while back but he made it through fairly well and was back at work within about a month. Last week he had to check in to the hospital because his blood pressure was through the roof due to going several days without sleep during which he was spending all his time working on his car getting it fixed up and painted. He's about 3 years older than me and a real go-getter. He's a total a-type personality and has to be going at full tilt all the time to be happy.

I arrived for work today to find out another co-worker the same age as my friend was dead of a heart attack yesterday. In an unrelated incident a young man just barely out of training was killed in a car accident the same day. Then the first time I spoke with my friend today he told me he'd run into a buck yesterday and it trashed the front end of his car. All day he looked like the grim reaper himself was looking over his shoulder. He was clearly very shaken up. To digress for a moment, when I was in university, a weekend ski trip became a horror story when one person died after hitting a tree. I didn't know him but had several friends who did and I had just as difficult a time than as I am having now dealing with those who were hurting from that. One of my own friends died somewhat later and for some bizarre reason i found that easier to deal with in some ways. I just felt totally awkward at work all day today.

I didn't know either of those who died well enough to be anything like as upset as a lot of those around me today so I'm a lot more worried about this friend of mine. He really looked physically ill all day. This seems to me to be the sort of thing that could make or break him. He'll either decide he's had it anyway and continue the way he's been going or take the hint and ease off. I just don't know which way the shoe is going to drop and I don't know what to do to help.

Anyway, I guess I just had to get this off my chest and share it with you. Because of my own issues, I have never been able to form really close relationships with anyone, particularly men, but I really wish I knew how to be a better closer friend to him to help him through this. He knows the only difference between the two of them was maybe a bit of luck since he survived and this other person didn't and it is really messing with him. Not to mention that I don't think it'll be long before he has another heart attack at the rate he's been going and I would have a really hard time with that. I guess I did the best I could given the impossible situation and my extremely limited social skills but the whole thing just made me file like a clod.

Thanks to all who have gotten this far in this post, and apologies to those who started to read it and could not. I ask that you take a moment to remember those in your life who have passed from us and dedicate just a moment to thinking about living a more carefree life in their honour since you clearly never know what'll happen.