My therapist seems to think that I have bipolar II disorder. This was the first time anyone has ever suggested such a thing to me. I underwent a lengthy two hour psychiatric evaluation to someone he subsequently referred me to, and came up with a long list of diagnoses, which actually came out like this:

1. Generalized depression.
2. Anxiety.
3. Borderline personality disorder.
4. OCD.

My therapist has not mentioned the words borderline before, though he did say once, "...because you have a personality disorder!" Now I'm wondering, can a person have both? BPD and bipolar? Do I even have anything? Whose opinion/diagnoses should I trust?

Anyway, I realize I've struggled most of my life, and have often been described as "irritable," "intense," "irrational," "sensitive," etc. My moods can jump around in a split second, from feeling "okay" (which is my normal baseline) to wanting to literally jump off a bridge. I do ridiculous things sometimes such as speeding, tailgating, even buzzing off my hair entirely. One perceived slight and I kind of fly off the handle. I'm obsessed with the idea that I am ugly, unlovable, and a disgusting human being.

I've never been really able to have a successful romantic relationship because there is always eventually arguing. Unfortunately I often end up with narcissists who are controlling, which I figure is what I need to make me "shape up." Very rarely have I ever been happy. What makes me think that I don't have bipolar is that I never get mania or elevated mood. I'm ALWAYS depressed or very very agitated.

I've decided that it might be time to give meds a try. I've tried several SSRIs, and they either didn't work, or had awful side effects. I smoke pot on a daily basis. So, considering that my therapist thinks I am bipolar, I'm considering trying some atypical meds to see if they work. I'm at my wit's end. I just do not want to exist anymore but am afraid of suicide because of the "unknown." Therapy only does so much, and obviously getting high on pot only helps so much. I've been described as a terribly angry person, and sometimes I'm sick of it.

So, again, how do I know what I have? A therapist is not a doctor, so I'm wondering if I should take his opinion with a grain of salt. Do diagnoses even matter in the long run? Sorry if this is the wrong place to post. And also sorry if none of this makes sense. I most likely have a flu and have been forcing myself to stay at work when I really, just really, want to be in bed. Thanks!