Hi friend,

I am sorry you are struggling so much right now. I just want to be able to relate in that I also have MDD and I play the cello too and have anorexia and an invisible disability (narcolepsy). It's so hard when the people in your life just don't get it and you feel like you're at the end of your rope.
But for whatever it's worth, I want to encourage you to keep going. To stick it out and to keep pushing through. Like the saying, if you're going through hell, just keep going.
And never forget that turning to your eating disorder is only a bottomless pit of a trap that will never lead you ultimately where you want to go. It will only sink you even further. Same thing with self-harm. That's what I have to keep telling myself right now because I've been struggling a lot lately with urges to go back into my ED and self harming behaviors.
Hopefully you are able to find PC helpful. I know it has been for me!
Hang in there friend, and keep fighting!