thank you for the responses, at the clinic i go to its not so focused on figuring things out... its kind of like when your car makes a strange noise and you take it to your neighbors friend...
he goes over a few things and tightens a few bolts and the noise stops but cant tell you exactly what was wrong, just that it seems to be doing a little better

they are just interested in integrating me into society and having me recover well enough to become self sufficient...

i dont really have a time line... my past is really messed up... so its difficult for me to say when things got really bad...
i know it was before age 6 though, (as things were happening before i started school) and i believe that since i was born things have been messed up for me....

my therapist says that i get caught up in the details, which i know i do sometimes... but i am just looking for understanding on my personal experience, i want to understand myself and whats happening ( has happened my whole life )

i cant remember the articles i read about developing DID without PTSD but its just something i read a while back which confused me because i was also under the impression that only severe abuse enough to fragment the psyche would be able to cause DID but maybe resilience would cause a person not to develop PTSD...?

i feel like i never had the chance to develop my personality, like i have something, but its not a personality as much as it is a survival tactic that is fluid...

sense of identity confuses me because im who i am, there is no question about it... but for me to be able to chisel into stone what i am i cant do...
besides using things like "Nice, Kind, Creative, Witty, Interesting" ect ect...?

how does one define self?

i think im having a great deal of time loss these past few ... months... and i cant even say that for sure...

edit:
we took the ACE test and i experienced it all, but maybe it wasnt so bad...

i just woke up and its like 2:40am so im gonna turn off the computer and try to go back to sleep..
ill read that article in the morning <3

(glad i posted this thread, its something i have been wondering about for a while..)