Hello Gents,

My first post and wanted to introduce myself.

I'm a white collar Gen-Xer living in a place far removed from my origins and family. I'm a social and cultural outsider and have no network to speak of; despite being here for 10 years. It's lonely (and very cold in winter!)

My marriage has been in terminal decline for 5+ years. There is no love, intimacy or even respect for one another. We maintain the status quo for the two adopted sons (6 & 2) that we absolutely adore.

We maintain appearances of a well balanced, suburban family. While privately I feel absolutely crushed and heart broken at what has passed and what lies ahead.

I know for sure I can not stay in this marriage. I know for sure separation will leave an indelible mark on the development of these two boys. I know for sure I'm strong enough to endure this and patient enough to do it "right".

I speak with a T twice a month. While kind, sympathetic and experienced, she's encouraging me to have an affair(!?!). I've assured her I don't need an excuse or someone else to free me. The only thing in the way of my "desire" is my moral compass.

The question I've been grappling with is HOW to separate that won't leave me an outcast, broke and villianized in the eyes of my Sons.

My second question, is there an optimum time/age for these two boys to experience this change in their circumstances?

I lost my father at age 8 and grew up a latch-key kid (men of a certain age will be familiar with this phrase). I'm no stranger to abuse and neglect and want to minimize the impact on my sons and avoid them being turned against me.

I would like to hear from men who have experienced this and come out the other side. Will you share with me the benefit of your wisdom and experience?

Thanks

Oscliiapram