For me before the # of attempts made, it was a sense of stark numbness and a kind of skewed logic that seemed perfectly rational at the time.

On the flip and (obviously) having survived... has resulted in a flood of emotion that has over-whelmed putting me in a very wobbly state... thankfully I was in hospital by that point so further action was carefully monitored.

In short, I guess 'scared' was the end result... a full acknowledgment of how skewed my perception on life was leading up to the attempt compared to when I'm on a more even playing field; knowing that I still have much to contribute rather than being a strain on those around me.