Hi, After 6 years, my t said one day when I pushed her that this was my problem if we were to put a name on it. What I read scares me especially as I have additional trauma and neglect on top of this. I'm getting really despairing that I am in search of a utopia that doesn't exist. She feels I am making good progress and I am in a lot of ways, but I feel the emotions more strongly and I still often disassociate a lot. Tonight in session it was almost non stop. I don't know what I want from this. I think I just want to know that things get better. I am not looking for a lot just to not be in emotional or physical pain and to feel a sense of contentment. I don't want to have to manage my symptoms for life. I have a very respectable job and my staff would be horrified if they knew all my problems. No one else knows and I feel I am living a double life.