It's not just about reading which is mentally challenging for me, but I have no energy/motivation even to watch videos or see a therapist. I sometimes go out to coffee shops, but I cannot read there (I'm very sensitive to noise). I lose interest very quickly on everything, and fall back. It's contradictory that I want to be better, yet at the same time (at some level) I don't really care!! I guess essentially I need some change in my life that would change my perspective. Being alone has caused me a lot of damage to my mental health. I know change must come from within first, but simply I cannot do it. But then again, if I don't change from within, how would change from without happen?! I feel it's like a trap.