i had trauma begin when i was born, but it was medical related and all necessary to save my life. it was a mix of daily procedures (mildly painful) but being handled by nurses/doctors every few hours a day for several months, painful procedures, noise, lights, etc. and then a near death experience at a few months old after surviving the first few months of life.

for maybe two or so years, things were ok, but then various traumas happened between 4 and 10 or 11 years old. the amount of things i remember seems like it couldn't really have happened, but it was a lot of one-time things with different people (kids my own age or an adult) and different types of things. there was a mix of s*xual abuse, verbal/psychological, unintentional emotional neglect, and witnessing harm to family members that caused my struggles. there are things i don't remember though, but i can 'feel' it.

i was highly anxious and fearful as a young child, but no one paid attention to it. i started struggling more at 11 inward when things slowly kind of started 'waking up' and more outward around 13 with self harm, severe depression, anxiety/panic, etc. i didn't know why though for a while until it started kind of coming back in bits and pieces.

i received an unofficial diagnosis of DID in 2003 and probably just last year officially after i finally was honest with the psychiatrist after so long. before that, the diagnosis was dysthymic disorder and then moved unofficially to borderline personality disorder at 16 then officially at 18. i don't believe i have it as a diagnosis anymore though as i don't meet the criteria.

it was really a matter of what i said to people and when, what my symptoms were, what they picked up and labeled, etc., so not a lot knew what the real issues were, and i wouldn't tell most of them...though i really thought a few times i had.

it is hard to both be honest and get a professional who believes you and hears you and is willing to look at things and try to help.