I have distanced myself from my mother because she is overbearing, passive aggressive, and manipulative. I have made posts about this before.

Thanksgiving is coming up. She usually hosts 10-12 people. She asked me to host this year and gave an incredibly bizarre reason as to why she couldn't. It's so strange that I don't even want to post it in case any family comes across this site. I told her that I couldn't do it and suggested two different alternatives. She had reasons we couldn't do either.

I called up some other relatives and one of them wanted to cook food and bring it to my mother's house. We developed a plan. I confirmed with my mother, who, I later realized, probably *wanted* to cook the dinner even though she was talking like she didn't. And now I misinterpreted her passive aggressive message and she is taking it as some kind of personal affront. This is pretty standard behavior for her and why I do not want a close relationship.

Today I get home from an 11 hour day and there's a card from her. It's a plaintive note about wanting to repair the relationship. She has invented a reason for my distance that is very far from the truth.

I sent her a message saying I just wanted to be independent. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to say 'You are passive aggressive and overbearing and I am tired of it,' because she will just argue with me. I am not interested in talking about it with her.

How do you deal with someone like that? I understand that her feelings are hurt, but I am tired of the guilt trips.