Thank you Luce. It's 3+ years since the moment happened that woke me up.

My counselor told me, when he understood, that I would not be the same person I was then if I chose to go forward. For me, like you, I knew I didn't have a choice. I had to go forward.

I've tried to understand and read/learn everything I can to make sense of this.

Dissociation does and did serve purpose and I respect and thank it. I just don't want to be at it's mercy and have my feet clipped out from under me.

I don't know. The ANP and EP has been calling me. Something there. I'm rambling.

Thank you for your reply and your thoughts. I'm gonna sleep on it.

I keep seeing the diagrams of the different states that were in your link. My counselor and I worked with parts of me on paper stars. We rearranged them in different scenarios and something is clicking with that. I don't know.

I'm taxing my brain and it wants peace and sleep. Thank you for hearing me and your opinion and seasoned advice.