i have such a strong urge to cut right now. just had a diffultcult conversation with hubby. found out he prefers porn and his hand to me. that he think i am not worth the effort. , need to see it need to feel it the blod the pain must keep writing must not do it stay strong don't give in help help help, it is my family all over again nothingi do is good enough , what does he want from me what more can i give to be the wife that he desires , why do i care to please a man who obviously doesn't care for me .. i am so confused and hurt right now i want something to make sense . i understand cutting as strange as it may seem it makes sense to me . i get relief , why is it that i can deal with physical pain yet emotional pain is killing me , i don't want to kill myself but i don't want to live either , is it wrong to pray to die to pray to perish in some natural disaster or be the victim of a freak accident . i am hurting so bad what did i do to deserve this life . because no matter how hard i try i seem to always end up in the same place.