This is going to be very very long.
This thread is being made because I currently have two separate one where the same conversation is taking place. I want to put it all in one place now for the kind people who have expressed an interest in helping me through this. Thank you; it means the world to me.

This is from my jealousy thread:

We have been together for 2 years.
Okay my boyfriend is am amazing man. He is 29 (30 in December) and I am 26 (27 in January). He is very against cheating because f numerous reasons and logically, I understand that he would never do that to me. But what about when it comes to emotional cheating? What if he doesn't even realize he's doing it? Is that possible?

Alright, so he is good friends with this woman. I'll call her B. I noticed that he talks to her through text quite often. So one day, in my panic, I checked his phone (I know, I know). What I saw was her being very flirty with him and my guy was ignoring it and continuing on the conversation. Their friendship isn't casual. It's apparently a good one and shes "an awesome person."

Well, the other day, boyfriend and I had a great day. We ended the night with me laying with him and he showed me his instagram feed of a bunch of baristas making latte art. He is a barista and is passionate about so I wanted to learn a little. It was around 9:30 at night. While we were doing this, B texted him. The banner at the top said," So I'm at 'our' store. . ." and for a while I tried to ignore it.

Eventually, I couldn't and he knew something was up. So I explained that it greatly bothered me that we were having bonding time and she texted "our store." Basically, he told me that the coffee shop he used to work in, she used to work in also. She quit before he started working there but she would go and visit a lot and thats how they met. I dropped it.

Because theyre such good friends, I decided to find her on instagram and introduce myself. I said, "Hey Im ***'s girlfriend. I know youre good friends so I wanted to reach out and say hello, lol."
Well, that was yesterday morning and I still havnt heard anything back from her. She can talk to my boyfriend all day but cant respond to me?
Is this something I should forget about? Bring it up if the situation calls for it? Tell him now that it seems like a red flair? Why can she talk to him and not me?"

This is from my "back with more" thread:

"Right now, Im writing this out after I just got out of the shower-and ice cold one that I had to leave early for fear of fainting. I have just experienced my first panic attack in years.

I asked my boyfriend to come by at 10 tonight to talk. He said he should be able to and will let me know if he cant. Its 8:30 as I write this.

We are due to talk because, as the title says, we might be breaking up.

Flash Back: the past 4 months or so have been very rough on us. I made a friend at work who I developed a crush on and hid it from my partner while pursuing the friendship deeper with my coworker. When my partner found out, he was enraged. But he dealt with it as best he could until he has to break the silence. We spoke. We didnt just speak about that though, we also spoke about the other things he was unhappy with; the fact that I havnt returned to school. my bad sleeping habits, my smoking, not having a good job, etc. Thats was maybe 1.5 or 2 months ago. Since then, I have registered for another class, begun exploring options for my professional future, fixed my sleeping schedule, and have begun doing daily exercises to adress and heal my low self esteem which has caused jealousy in our relationship since the beginning.

Jealousy: the last time it reared its head was halloween. we had an amazing night and on the way home, I was drunk. So of course, my insecurities came out to play. I yelled and cried and cursed for all of 40 minutes about his new friend. his new "awesome" friend. She flirts with him a lot. He doesnt flirt back but I dont like the way she talks to him. Its possible im paranoid because of what I did to him with coworker.

The past week or so, he has become distant again (the first time was before the aforementioned conversation). He seems to be going through the motions of a happy boyfriend but there are times where his unhappiness shows itself. He used to cuddle with the blanket I crocheted him every night, he doesnt do that anymore. He thinks im always trying to argue, he seems to be looking for opportunities to get away from me, etc. Yesterday, I had enough. I broke down and my way of doing that was to be quiet and aloof the whole day (we we're together all day). He cuddled me last night. This morning he got mad about "complaining" about the noise he was making getting ready for work. I was mostly teasing him but I guess it didnt come out that way. When he dropped he off he wanted to kiss me but I said no and left the car. When I got inside, I texted him saying that I think its best if I give him space because he doesnt seem to be happy. He agreed. He said there are many things he loves about our relationship but twice as many that he doesnt like.

I told him that if that was the case, I think he simply doesnt want to be with me anymore and that thats okay. Later on, he asked if im okay and I asked him the same. He said the reality of the situation hasnt hit him yet. I said "the reality of the situation is that we're two people who love each other and want to make this work." I also asked is he came come by at 10 so we can sort this out. he said we do need to talk, that he needs time, and he doesnt know how he feels.

Its 845 now and I plan to ask him at 9 if he can make it at 10.

I wrote down in my phone memo all the things I want to say because I lose my train of thought easily. He knows that, reading from my phone wont be a big deal.

In what I have to say to him, I basically have: all the things listed that I corrected from the first time we talked about this (school, job, smoking, etc) and apparently thats still not good enough. I have planned to tell him that I think he might still love me but he doesnt enjoy my company in his life anymore. That I want to explore every avenue for healing before we end the relationship because 20+ months of happiness and a whole future is worth more than 4 months of hard times.

Its 10 minutes until 9 now. Im scared, im hopeful, im defeated, im tired, im sad, and im also a little bit okay."

This is a comment I wrote detailing our break up:

"last night I told him I wasnt ready to throw in the towel because of 4 hard months as opposed to more than 20 great ones and a whole future.
He said to me that he was unhappy because it was always a struggle with me and argument when he wanted to do something or go somewhere and I didnt want to.

He told me that he cant deal with me being mad about him going out with his friends (the only time I got mad was when he was being distant the first time-with me and my coworker-and he went to the bar after work and didnt hear from him until 1 am. and when he took one of our designated wednesdays to go to a bday for someone he never even hung out with before). and that at this point he would never be able to hang out with any of his female friends because of how angry I would be. He said it was weird when I reached out to his "awesome" female friend.

I said to him...what I need to know is if we're done. Because I cant sit around until you figure it out.
He said, if you need an answer then for now I have to say yes. I just said okay and left.

Then on text about an hour later I said "Im sorry I couldnt make you happy"
He told me not to blame myself and he will always love me and never forgive himself for this but its what he feels is right for him at the moment.

He will come to pick up his stuff and drop mine off on Monday probably. Im just going to leave it outside my door for him.

I dont think this is just a break because he isnt the type to do those "games" and isnt the type to be friends with an ex.

I have a horrible headache and have bouts of crying fits, havnt eaten since wednesday (trying to have fries now). Most of the stuff I own, he bought me or gave me. Im 27 and I thought for sure this would be the last one...the one I spent my life with. I cant go through another break-up its killing me.

Straw man at it might be, he broke up with me because his friends are more important to him."

Note to you all:
Thank you again for your kindness and for wanting to help me through.