Why are you worried about your silent treatment being too harsh, when your trying to control his personal sex life is even more harsh? Maybe it would help you to look at sex in three parts - yours, his, and both together. Even the both together could be in 3 parts - sometimes concentrate on you, sometimes on him, sometimes just for the fun of it . I get the feeling its always about you, and its never fun, and you dont even want him to have fun on his own. No fun allowed!