Oh guys...i'm so happy someone actually read my pathetic story. Thank you so much for every single word.

I can't write this stuf on my country forums. The country just isn't big enough and i have a paranoia that he would somehow read it.
So...yeah, i know i gotta get a grip somehow. I have erased his number 20 times by now...and put it back as many times .

I just CANNOT GET THIS.
I can't figure myself out.
Wtf?
I had a normal life...it was all good and sane. Now...it seems as everything is nuts.
I have this masochistic hope for him to contact me, based on what he said and the way he was acting around me,and i can't let go of that desire...I know if he wanted it he would do so by now. And i know if he wanted me to contact him -if that's the real reason he said that about hanging out...- by now he knows it ain't gonna happen either. So...there's a wall in front of me. I need to let go...I wish i will soon enough. I'll force myself to delete his number for goog. It's such a shame i have it in my head.