My heart goes out to you. My grandmother passed away about 3 years ago and it hit me hard. She had paranoid schizophrenia and had become paranoid of everyone except her brother who stood by her side until her passing well into her 90's because she fell off a chair. I had so much guilt for the time I didn't spend with her. I'm still not recovered.

My grandma and I were close when I was younger but I didn't talk to her for years before her passing. I can imagine it would have been much more difficult for me if I had been close to her like you were with your grandma. Give yourself time to grieve....I suspect it will take a long time with bumpy patches along the way. (((Hugs))))