BPD, sounds like the problem is more your husband's than yours. How sad for him to be so diluded that some fake, airbrushed picture of a woman is more sexually gratifying to him than his own wife. You don't need this. Don't give in to the cutting. That'll just give him another reason to put the blame on you. He needs some serious help, as he is living in a fantasy world and not in reality. You are not the problem here! Remember that! At this point you can't be perfect enough for him - nobody can - not even those porno models because none of it is real. I'm glad the urge is fading. You deserve the best and giving in just weakens you. You are good enough just being you. Don't let him make you forget that!