Quote:
Originally Posted by Willowleaf
Yes I really do. I do a lot of bodywork as I had huge problems through lack of touch. I can now tolerate a massage and sometimes book one when my t is away. I use mindfulness and meditate briefly every morning setting an intention for the day. But it's hard work and I am tired at having to work so hard to appear normal and function at work. Relationships are beyond me and it is very lonely although I am getting better at tolerating my own company now my children are leaving home. Even they have no idea what a struggle life is.
|
I feel for you. I think in a lot of ways it feels unfair, to have to do so much work to "appear normal" as you say. I deal with PTSD myself and still dislike doing the bodywork and my T had told me I basically had to. I sometimes try to compare myself with people with physical problems and that they too might feel it's unfair they have to do the extra work. What they have going for them is often their problems are obvious to others (not always) and they presumably get more sympathy and understanding. On the other hand, for those who like to "appear normal", having psychological issues might be an advantage because in some cases you could fake it (of course the discerning coworker could still tell something is wrong).
For me the problem is when I refuse relations with people and I think maybe they wonder if I am acting rude or aloof. When the reality is quite different. Because of abuse in my past and PTSD too I find relating with people in more intimate way extremely challenging and painful. I can only handle so much of it and then I have to recover. Yet I crave good relationships, and I think good relationships are just what the doctor ordered, they can help us heal from past relational trauma. But have patience with yourself. You will continue to get better and hopefully form new relationships. But it takes time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skeksi
I do believe it can get better. I don't know that I'd say "cured," but I think I can learn to live with it with much less distress. For example, when I first went to T, I could not sleep an entire night. Even after I got medication, I felt terror every night until the meds took hold. Now, I take my meds and go to sleep. No terror, even when I hear a noise--I feel surprised, and momentarily scared, but it passes.
T and I work at dismantling the reactions that make my life hard--feeling my own anger, having flashbacks, disagreeing with him. Slowly my reactions fade. I have them, but they don't dominate me. It's like noticing you have a runny nose but not having to stay in bed for a week.
|
Good for you. May I ask what meds you're on? I also suffer from night terrors but my antidepressants don't help that much.