Well, I didn't switch 'on purpose' - I did intentionally set myself up to induce switching though.
We had been writing stuff to our ex t, and some of what was written was stuff I am not really privy to yet. So I sat myself in front of the computer with the video on and read aloud from what had been written. What I found was *I* could not read the stuff that was written by some others. Some I could - some I couldn't. I would start reading, then I would at some point switch out, and then afterwards I would watch the video to see what happened.
It got a little obsessive there for a while. Looking back I understand what it was that I needed to do - I needed to see what was happening. I needed to understand that alters were switching in and out, that they were not me, and that I was not 'making it up' or 'putting it on'. I needed to see and understand what happens to me.
We have lived in denial of our multiplicity for so long. It hasn't been a full on denial - I have been posting in this forum for years, after all - but there has been a denial nonetheless. I accepted the DID intellectually, but I didn't really 'get' that this was happening to me.
I get it now. And that drives me to work my butt off to do what I can to mend this broken person that is Me.
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