Even though it has been a long time coming this news just hurts. A couple of days ago I got a copy of the psych eval that is damning to my military career and will be used to label me as disabled.

Ever since I decided to join the military in 2002 I've placed a lot of my personal meaning and worth in my career as a soldier. I've don't a lot of great things - and at one time before my mind started slipping into schizophrenia - was one of the best.

I knew that it was over a couple of years ago - but I kept slipping though the cracks (not on purpose... just the way the system worked). And even though I've known this was coming it is hitting me hard. I feel pretty worthless. A failure as a soldier. And now that my income will be dropping way down without getting (and holding) a job, a failure as a father and husband.