Yeah, this is a daily struggle for me. I wish I had some tips for you but I'm at a loss.

I do have my fiance who spends so much time with me, he can see through all the b.s.. Other than that, only one person ever really noticed how messed up I was and he's not a regular part of my life anymore due to distance, time and just me not wanting to burden him with my issues. When these people have seen inside my head I feel so vulnerable that I "shut down", so to speak, and just push them back out. Even as I do so, I know I need them there, but I just can't allow that to happen. I don't know why I'm like this. I think maybe, I just need mental/emotional solitude and isolation. In my mind, it's my battle not anyone else's. It's my journey that only in anonymity, I will ever delve into and expose to others (like PC).
I think I may have found an outlet to feel and possibly begin healing my mind, but I've been wrong before. Maybe once I can heal, I can become someone I love and won't hate anymore. My self-loathing is my biggest adversary and my closest ally, all in one (as much sense as that makes).
Regardless, I'll be thinking of you. Don't be afraid to update us and feel free to message me any time. Best of luck to you.